James Bond is very picky about his smartphones it seems. Earlier this week, we heard how the Samsung Galaxy S6 and Sony Xperia Z4 were turned down by the makers of SPECTRE because they weren’t good enough for ol’ 007.
A few of us from broadbandchoices went to the cinema to finally watch the new film, and couldn't help but notice that Daniel Craig-Bond wielded a Sony Xperia Z5. That got us thinking: is that really the best phone? What would really be the best handset for Bond and would each version have a different one?
Using scientific methods (beer and crisps), we decided that yes, of course they would. Each version of Bond is unique - like a beautiful little alcohol dependent snowflake - and as such they'd each want different things from their handsets. Here's what we think each would use*:
(*Yes obviously, some Bonds precede mobile phones, but don't be that person. For the purposes of this - ahem - 'intellectual exercise', we're assuming they all exist within the mobile phone era, okay?)
Sean Connery Bond
This is the tricky one. Connery shares something with almost all the other Bonds - the grit of Dalton, the physicality of Craig, the smoothness of Brosnan. He is a Bond in balance, which initially made us think he'd need a decent all-rounder like the iPhone 6S.
But then we started thinking about it deeper. For many, Connery is THE Bond - he's what you think of when you say 007. Everyone may have their own particular favourites, but you'll struggle to find a Bond fan who doesn't think of Connery fondly.
He needs a handset that reflects that. A phone that was a household name, something loads of people remember with a wistful smile. And so the answer becomes clear - Connery-Bond would have a Nokia 3310.
Poor George Lazenby. He only made one film and doesn't seem to be remembered with much affection. Or at all in some cases.
We think that's a little unfair, because On Her Majesty's Secret Service is an absolute belter. Even so, there's no getting round it - Lazenby is the uncool Bond. So he'd have a BlackBerry.
A BlackBerry Passport to be precise. Like Lazenby, it's far from trendy, but also criminally unappreciated. It's easy to separate work information from personal stuff - LazenBond was a married man lest we forget - and that QWERTY keyboard would sure make it easier to text while skiing for your life.
Roger Moore always seemed more comfortable wooing a lady than wounding a henchman. He was the quintessential English gentleman, so he'd need a phone that reflected that upper-class… class.
For that reason, we think there's only one choice: the Vertu Signature Touch.
Everything about the Signature Touch screams 'exclusive'. It's built from gleaming titanium, and offers the choice of different animal hides and leathers as casing - we think Rog would jump at the chance to get the alligator hide.
It's also got a 130 carat sapphire crystal screen, which is extremely damage-resistant - useful considering all the mountaineering, car chasing and heavy drinking he'll be doing. But really, Moore-Bond is all about class, and that's what Vertu delivers.
We're talking ring tones performed by the London Symphony Orchestra, its own concierge service, and an eye-watering price tag of more than £6,500. Okay, arguably more ostentatious than classy, but hey - Moore-era Bond was rarely subtle.
No doubt a reaction to the smoothness of Moore, Timothy Dalton brought grit back to the role of Bond in a big way. Licence to Kill in particular is a brutal film that shows Bond as the efficient assassin he is.
Dalton wouldn't care about bling and sizzle - he'd want a handset he could rely on to get the job done. For that reason, he'd have a Motorola Moto G 4G.
It's not the flashiest or more expensive phone around, but the Moto G delivers everything a smartphone should. A crisp screen, decent performance, and that unfussy Android interface. It's a solid workhorse of a phone that would be unlikely to let Bond down - we think Dalton-Bond would appreciate that reliability.
All the Bonds got to play with gadgets, but Brosnan's are the most fun. Who could forget the sheer awesomeness of the exploding pen, remote control BMW, anti-avalanche jacket and invisible car. Okay, maybe not the invisible car.
Still, all those were perfect for Brosnan, who was by far the flashiest Bond. So logically, he should have a mobile phone that's flashy, and packed with gadgets and features. Enter the Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge.
The Galaxy may not have been good enough for Craig, but we think it would suit Brosnan down to the ground. The curved screen is as flamboyant as it is cool, and the phone is packed to bursting with features.
Heart rate monitors, an excellent camera, tons of apps and games - Brosnan was a Bond who loved his toys, and the Galaxy S6 Edge would give him a lot to play with.
The Sony Xperia Z5 is a fantastic phone. We don't have a problem with it being Craig-Bond's go-to handset, but is it the most practical choice for him? No.
Daniel Craig's Bond is very much in the tough and gritty tradition of Dalton, but he's even more of a bruiser. It's very easy to believe that Craig could beat a load of henchman up without breaking a sweat.
But if there's one thing in particular that stands out about Craig's era, including SPECTRE, it's his anti-authoritarian streak. Craig seemingly exists in a near-permanent state of 'going rogue'. It happens in almost every one of his films, leaving him out in the field without Q-branch to help keep his equipment in working order.
Hostile environments, no tech support - Craig would need a ruggedized phone. The Kyocera Brigadier for example.
Waterproof, dustproof, resistant to shock, vibration, high temperatures, rain, solar radiation, the Brigadier would survive whatever Bond could throw at it. The screen is sapphire glass - the second only to diamond in hardness, so a few drops wouldn't be a problem. Nor would using it to whack a baddie in the face.